The Best Pokémon Story of Them All! : The End of Pokémon
by Naldrag
Summary: The adventures of Ash and Pikachu that transcend time and reality! Re-edited to include the original sequel, and a finale. :V


It has been several years since Ash Ketchum had finally become a Pokémon Master. After doing so, he wondered what he was doing with his life since it was like 17 years since he left on his journey, so he headed home and decided to take a job at the Pokémon Mart in Viridian City, he had a hard time getting a job though because despite being like 27 or something he still looked like a 10 year old. Today, he has a successful career as a shop keep, and was living a fairly comfortable life, still hitting on 10 year old girls and what not, until one day...

"I have a warrant for a... Ash Ketchum." said a police woman.

"Oh, Officer Jenny, I haven't seen you in a long time!" Ash exclaimed.

"You are under arrest for multiple accounts of having sex with a minor." Office Jenny said in a disgusted tone.

"What, I'm obviously 10 years old, can't you see?" Ash said with a stupid grin on his face.

"CUT THE SHIT, YOU GOD DAMN PIECE SHIT." Officer Jenny yelled as she started beating Ash with a nightstick before putting Ash in handcuffs.

Ash tried running away after being beaten, but Officer Jenny threw a Pokéball, and it summoned a Growlithe.

"ARCANINE USE HYDRO PUMP ON ASH." Officer Jenny yelled. While confused as it has not yet evolved, nor knows Hydro Pump, Growlithe decided to use Flamethrower on Ash, and then Ash collapsed.

Ash awoke in a jail cell a few hours later with two familiar faces. One of them was a rather dashing man with blue hair, and the other was an attractive woman with long red hair.

"I think I know you two from somewhere." Ash asked.

"Oh joy, he woke up." said the woman.

"Jesse, now come on at least we can say we didn't have sex with minors." the man stated.

"GOD DAMN IT JAMES, WE SPENT HALF OUT LIVES CHASING THIS KID AND HIS GOD DAMN PIKACHU. DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW INFURIATINGLY STUPID THAT IS." Jesse yelled in anger.

"YOU'RE TEAM ROCKET!" Ash exclaimed.

James and Jesse both facepalmed. "You know how many of our disguises were so obvious to see through, yet you didn't." Jesse stated.

"PIKACHU!" Ash yelled as he snapped his fingers, then suddenly a bolt of lightning somehow struck down through the prison roof and Pikachu appeared.

"PIKACHU, UH... USE BROKEN MAGNUM ON TEAM ROCKET!" Ash exclaimed.

"Pika?" Pikachu asked.

"You know you spin your hand around real fast and then shoot it off!" Ash said.

"PIKA!" Pikachu yelled, Pikachu's hand then began spinning at top speeds and then he shot it off like a rocket, Jesse and James managed to jump out of the way and dodge it though, Pikachu then started bleeding profusely out of his arm and then died.

"Uh huh, that happened... I would like to inform you that we're not apart of Team Rocket any more, we're just two bystanders who just happened to be arrested for jaywalking of all things. Meowth is actually on his way to post bail." James stated.

"NO PIKACHU, HOW DARE YOU VILLAINS KILL HIM." Ash exclaimed.

"You're the one who had your Pikachu shoot it's hand off at us." Jesse stated.

Suddenly Meowth walks up to the jail cell. "Oh goody, you're in the slammer with the twerp who happens to be like 30 now or something and had a long history of doing naughty things with minors, they finally get you on that?" Meowth asked.

"I'm 10 years old guys, I swear." Ash said.

"Uh huh, anyway I posted bail and wait what happened to the Pika... you know what, I really don't want to know, I just want to get out of here, go home, and watch TV, seriously only you two would be arrested for jaywalking of all things." Meowth said.

Jesse, James, and Meowth then left the jail leaving Ash there by himself, suddenly a muscled up cop with a nightstick comes up to Ash's cell, opens it and beat the shit out of Ash. Ash beaten and torn on the floor with his dead Pikachu lies there in wait for his court date.

A FEW MONTHS LATER

"For the multiple charges of having sexual relations with minors, I find you guilty, off with his head!" A judge declared.

"BUT JUDGE I AM ONLY TEN YEARS OLD!" Ash yelled.

Suddenly an executioner with an axe walks up to Ash and beheads him, Ash bleeds profusely out of his neck as his body collapses, and he dies.

ELSEWHERE

"Oh, it seems Ash has been executed." Misty stated after watching the Ash's trial on the television. "Oh well, I got my big hunk of man Zangief that I love very much, as he never broke my bike!"

"I got us some food from McDonalds, Misty, let us eat." Zangief stated.

"Oh thank you, Zangief. I love you so much, let us laugh and grow fat!" Misty said.

"Indeed!" Zangief agreed.

SEVERAL MONTHS PASSED HAD THEN PASSED, YET AGAIN!

It was a dark and stormy night in Pallet Town, down in the depths of Professor Oak's laboratory an unholy experiment was going on.

"UWEE HEE HEE!" Professor Oak cackled. "Soon, my ultimate creations will be complete to bring havoc to the world!"

Suddenly a young man walks in, it is Professor Oak's grandson Gary. Gary approaches the professor's experiment.

"Are you sure it's okay to bring them back... Ash and his Pikachu, I mean." Gary asked.

"YES, YOU DAMNED INGRATE. NOW PULL THE LEVER, THESE FOOLS NEVER ACCOMPLISHED MY GOALS. BUT SOON, THEY WILL BE FINALLY REALIZED, TO REMAKE THIS WORLD IN THE NAME OF OAK!" Professor Oak yelled while raising his right arm madly.

Gary pulls on the lever and lightning strikes down on the corpses of Ash and Pikachu who appeared to have been modified cybernetics. Ash and Pikachu then rise back to life. Ash, who had previously been executed had been modified with a completely cybernetic body as his original body had been cremated before Professor Oak could get his hands on it. Pikachu, who shot off it's arm and bled to death had his body revived for the most part along with a chainsaw arm. His heart was replaced with a cybernetic core, along with a mechanical brain that could now process speech.

"FINALLY, I CAN FUCKING SPEAK." Pikachu's voice boomed.

"I, I'm alive, and I'm a robot, awesome!" Ash said.

"Now Ash and Pikachu, you must continue your mission of bringing havoc upon the land and ensl-I mean catch all the Pokémon for my research." Professor Oak stated.

"I'll ensure that the job gets done, Lord Oak." Pikachu said as he bowed down to Professor Oak.

"Okay then! Oh hey, Pikachu can talk now!" Ash said in an excited tone.

"Now, go!" Oak demanded. "Don't come back to me again until all the Pokémon have been caught!"

Ash and Pikachu began their conquest of catching all the Pokémon, Ash started off in Kanto, then proceed through Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, and Kalos. The journey took several years, but the two had finally succeed on their mission and then one day they returned to Professor Oak.

"Lord Oak, we have returned with all of the Pokémon." Pikachu said.

"Excellent, excellent, now place all the Pokéballs on this device." Professor Oak said.

Professor Oak then pointed at a device that looked like it could hold thousands of Pokéballs, Pikachu then brought in crates of Pokéballs, while Ash was off loafing around because despite being a cyborg Ash was still a complete retard.

"Ash, unfortunately wasn't much help, it appears despite augmenting his body you still didn't alter his brain, but that's okay I was more than enough for the job." Pikachu stated.

"Pikachu, for your next task, kill Ash and take his name. You shall become the new Ash. Ash the Pikachu." Professor Oak said.

"Groovy." Pikachu said as he powered up his chainsaw.

Pikachu then leapt up and sawed off Ash's head with a single slice and then proceeded to slowly dismantle Ash's cybernetic body.

"I am... ASH." the new Ash said.

Suddenly what sounded like the entire army appeared outside of Professor Oak's lab, with Officer Jenny barging into Professor Oak's lab.

"Professor Oak and Pikachu, you are under arrest for the enslavement of Pokémon! Surrender now, or prepare to die." Officer Jenny demanded.

"Oh, but it's too late." Professor Oak stated as he pulled a lever. "I have finally finished my goal of combining all the Pokémon into one, single ultimate creature, one that will obey only me and take over this world."

The machine that the Pokéballs were placed in started doing it's work and suddenly a giant monstrosity emerged from it combined with bits and pieces off all the Pokémon, it was horrifying. It then ate Professor Oak.

"Well shit." Ash the Pikachu said.

The monster then ate Ash the Pikachu, officer Jenny, the army, and eventually the entirety of the Pokémon world. However, upon doing so it got violently ill and profusely vomited out everything and then exploded and imploded.

Five years have passed since that incident...

Ash walked into his house and sat down to be greeted by his wife, Asuka Langley Ketchum and had some coffee AND A KICK IN THE FACEEEEEE.

"Ash, you idiot!" Asuka Langley Ketchum yelled. "Do you even know how fucking long, I've waited on you. God you're so fucking annoying!"

"But honey, Professor Oak was making me take over the world by a failed experiment..." Ash lamented.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead, like didn't you get executed, god you're so dumb you can't even die properly!" Asuka Langley Ketchum shouted.

"I was executed, then brought back as a cyborg then killed again, and then I was revived by a wizard!." Ash said.

"Well, ever since we were regurgitated by that monster, everything has been all bizarre." Asuka Langley Ketchum stated.

Then out of nowhere, Ash the Pikachu showed up with his chainsaw and impaled Asuka Langley Ketchum. Then out of nowhere he pulled out a knife and ripped out her eyes from their sockets and started skull fucking her. After cumming into her skull, he shoves a few sticks of dynamite up her vagina, and then she explodes into a million pieces.

"Jeez, Ash the Pikachu, that wasn't a very nice thing to do!" Ash said. "Oh well, she was kind of a bitch, let's get on my motorcycle and fuck shit up!"

"Oh thanks for the change in personality finally, let's recruit Jesse and James for some mayhem!" Ash the Pikachu said in a thrilled tone.

Traveling down the roads, Ash and Ash the Pikachu went across a rampage in Kanto, raping and pillaging wherever they went, the dastardly duo soon found themselves on the most wanted list, and then realized that it probably didn't matter too much regardless, because the police actually seem pretty damn incompetent for the most part as they still haven't dealt with Team Rocket. Soon after, they found where Jesse and James were living and paid them a visit.

"Well fuck, Ash and Pikachu found us." James said.

"THAT'S ASH THE PIKACHU TO YOU, MOTHERFUCKER." Ash the Pikachu boasted. He then began to power up his chainsaw.

"We're here to ask for your recruitment in treachery and what not." Ash stated.

"Nah, we're retired, besides-" Jesse stated.

"THEN DIE!" Ash the Pikachu yelled before he ran across the house and planted C4 all over it, and then took Ash and darted out of there and then detonated the C4 killing Jesse and James.

"Mighty fuck, are we just going to kill everyone?" Ash asked.

"Nah, I just felt like blowing their sorry asses up." Ash the Pikachu said.

The duo continued their rampage throughout Kanto, until one day, an object fell from the sky and crashed down on the Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town, the duo caught wind of it's location and decided to check it out. When they got to Lavender Town an eerie tune seemed to playing which gave Ash thoughts of suicide.

"Ash... the... Pikachu, I can't do this anymore, not, any... more." Ash said before he pulled out a gun and shot his brains out. His corpse then collapsed to the ground as he had finally met his end... for a third time.

"Oh. Okay, have fun laying there. I'm going to check this meteor thing out." Ash the Pikachu said to his dead comrade.

From the wreckage of the Pokémon Tower emerged a giant robot penis and on top of it was Asuka Langley Ketchum, who was apparently alive and well after being skull fucked and blown to smithereens.

"Ha, ha, ha, Ash the Pikachu, you had only killed a clone!" Asuka Langley Ketchum boasted. "Now, that Ash has died for a third time, I can finally initiate PENAL IMPACT!"

Asuka Langley Ketchum then jumped off the giant robot penis. "INITIATING FUSION!" She shouted before the head of the giant robot penis absorbed her, it then transformed into a rather phallic robot with two penises for arms, and a giant gaping vagina in it's chest. "ASUKNIS!"

Asuka Langley Ketchum fused with the giant robot penis and had formed AsukNis, a super robot capable of bring forth Penal Impact, which would make the world a sexually deranged wasteland, terraforming the Earth with phallic imagery across the globe!

"Do you even realize, how god damn ridiculous you look?" Ash the Pikachu asked.

"AH HA HA HA HA, MORTAL SOON YOU WILL BE JUST ANOTHER SEXUALLY DERANGED MONGREL, ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE PLANET!" AsukNis boasted.

"I'm pretty sure that I, and the rest of the world are already sexually deranged mongrels though." Ash the Pikachu stated. "I mean come on, I fucked your clone's skull!"

"RE-EVALUATING PARAMETERS... SCANNING... SCANNING... SCANNING COMPLETE... 99% OF PLANET CONSUMED WITH SEXUALLY DERANGED MONGRELS... MISSION IS OBSOLETE... WILL NOW SELF-DESTRUCT... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." AsukNis said before exploding into a million pieces.

"Well, that was pretty damn retarded." Ash the Pikachu said.

THE END

Author's Note: This fanfiction has been inspired by an acquaintance of mine who has a tendency of writing rather awful Pokémon fanfiction, hopefully this will rustle their jimmies. :V


End file.
